Seperated from reality.
In denial of what has hit me.
I am struggling with my words,
As i try to stop myself from breaking down all over again.
It all started with a few trips to cavite & bohol,
Bottles jugged down & cigarette rims puffed off in mayrics & balay.
An after clearance party somewhere along the kamuning area,
A funny blue tulip and a kitkat bar on a valentines day,
The tempura chips, the late night chill outs at a quadricentennial park.
And on a salinggawi concert, i fell in love with her.
She came when i thought there was no one else left for me.
Her door was open,
she welcomed me with a box of yellow cab pizza.
She is a great person.
Such a selfless individual with a good heart from what i have seen and felt.
A perfect, independent and truthful daughter,
A sweet, playful and thoughtful sister.
She was an innocent, simple and a very caring girlfriend.
How long could it take before i can find someone better?
These has been said and brought up a handful of times,
But it was a magical half a decade,
that made me see things what i thought could only happen in romantic movies and fairy tale stories.
Making it rain with thousands of roses on our second month together,
I will never forget when she spilled hot sauce over my eye.
The unbelievable resistance to survive a 2hour ride
on a thief filled, sweat dropping jeepney
along the smokey and grid locked streets of
espana to north avenue daily.
Double dates, paskuhans spent with her greatest friends.
Rappeling, pig out eating,
how i was weirdly fine for being a straight guy
and having shopping moments at forever 21 & other boutique shops with her.
Let's not forget the trying nights,
cramming for school works and silly video projects for
'takoyaki' and flair bartending.
Even those times when i try not to be late since she was always early.
An absolute bliss from watching hundreds of butterflies being freed,
To that lovely night while watching fireworks
spark up the sky while at a shuttle terminal
station somewhere in cubao going to novaliches.
Now suddenly i had to wake up the next day,
Thinking it was just another college puppy love story.
If only it was that simple.
Had i known that leaving on a jet plane would
make her feel that i am leaving us altogether.
"I am so sorry for making you feel that way."
How i just surrendered myself to her,
Living each day with the promise of love,
happiness and success that was just simply swept away.
It has happened.
We fell short.
It pains me to even remember the last moment when i was with her.
How i held her hand,
the last time i kissed her on her forehead,
How i tried not making her cry
when i had to say my temporary goodbye.
How i breathe deeply
as i felt myself trying to freeze time while watching her sleep in my arms.
It was my fault for loving her too much,
in such a way that it was as if no one else could compete.
Not even her.
I feel so guilty for feeling so hurt,
despite the feelings that i still have for her.
They say she was so lucky to have me as her guy,
even tagging me as the best someone could ever have.
But how could they even say that,
When it was her all along who made me the best.
This time, even love wasn't enough.
---I have nothing but utmost respect for her.
I wish her all the best. I really do.
It took some time for me to speak up,
As I didn't want any of my words to hurt someone in any way possible.
But i knew eventually that i would have to let it all go.
And this time, i'm finally breaking the silence.---
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