14

A letter to the child who misses his Father: A few things you might want to know 10 years after.

One day after another.
There is not so much difference from now and a decade later.
How can a person feel being numb when they are not supposed
to feel anything at all?

When you realize you'll never smile the same way like before,
Here are a few things you might want to know 10 years after and more...

For the first few days, it will be difficult to see
between reality and fiction.
There would be a lot of long pauses and silence every now & then.
You become less sensitive of the world,
everything would be in slow motion.
This would be a recurrent situation you'll find yourself into much too often...

Be prepared when tears jerk up every time you start to remember.
This will be common at least until three years later.
Your last memory of him will always feel like yesterday,
and you will forever be left with that hanging question,
"what if he waited for you on that last day?"

You'll forever imagine this parallel universe where he didn't leave.
Since no tears could bring him back, no matter how much you grieve.
But do know when you miss him,
you can always meet him in your dreams.
Each episodes will be too real, it is like dreaming in your dreams.

The first few Holidays will feel cold as snow,
the next few Christmases might be less merry, with fewer ho ho hos.
And I know you will think about this so many times since that day,
On how great it would have been
to have him standing beside you on that special day,
By the altar while waiting for your wife to be,
And how awesome he would be to your children as their Grand Daddy.

I know it would be hard to be too happy on your first couple of birthdays.
No one will blame you if you are just too weary and low.
But do know that whenever you are down, there is no place to go but up.
I know it would feel guilty to be moving on without him,
But go ahead, he wants you to look up.

You can get lost for a while and do whatever you want,
Let this be something that makes you stop and think about life.
Sooner you'd care less about material things and temporary emotions,
And finally realise that your greatest fear and sole purpose in life are exactly the same.

I can't tell you so much on how things will get better.
I wished there was an easy remedy to make you instantly sober.
As how bad as it might look right now,
You have to go through this.
Just pray. It works. I promise.

Out of the hundred things I can share with you during those 10 years since I lost a part of me,
Is the most important thing that I cannot forget to remind you about is what was left of me.

As strong as she looks since the beginning until this day,
She needs you now more than ever.
This was one thing I failed to see.
Sinee I was too occupied thinking about me.

You are her whole world now,
Spoil her with every chance you get.
Seeing her act in love and like a kid again
is the best feeling in the world. Trust me.
Don't let those moments pass by you before you regret.

She loves you. You are all that she has.

All of these might be a bit too much for you,
especially with all the things that you have just went through.
Eventually you will be forced to live a life again,
In no time, you'll be back at it again.

Keep the faith. It is what we have left that keeps us human.

One day after another.
There is not so much difference from now and a decade later.
Just always remember,
He will always be your hero,
and you will always be his greatest mission.



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@jeddyums

Coming in @27&6

Mcsize Me.
Over Ubers
Tardydoodledoo.
After one.
Noche Buenas
Media Noches
A dozen of Merry on Christmas.
Rise & Shine!
A handful of Breaktime meals.
Unreminded greetings.
Sides A & B.
Lucky 13
Home sweet home.
Worms on Books.
Words.
Put fuel on the fire.
Simply the best!
An apple a day.
Yahoooo!
F.O. F.B.
Grow rice under the moonlight.
This is the Mask.

#newyearsreso

Today was that day.

Cigarette scent.
Those late nights spent.
Been long gone,
Never forgotten.

Some of the best memories
are remembered through sorrow.
Know you'll never be happier
When you've felt the happiest.

Have gotten used to not seeing you
in each tomorrow.
When there is just nothing left to know
once you've seen the greatest.

A lot has been said, they might say.
But at this time, this date,
Its stuck on replay.
That moment when life took you away.

Now you'd wish forever.
Tears even in laughter.
We're living on borrowed time,
make it count before its all over.

A lot has been said, they might say.
But at this time, this date,
Its stuck on replay.
That moment when life took you away.

It was this day,
When we tried to get away,
To some place where we'll hide,
To that place where you'd stay.

If only forever was that date,
I'd still get to see you everyday.

Today was that day.

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13/9/2006

Bookmark

Do you ever catch yourself
holding it by the cover?

Pages with photos,
Memories on a portfolio,
When we did not need to rhyme,
When all we had was time.

This is the way,
That some way, somehow,
You’d at least remember,
How someone told a story you knew
From someone else’s point of view.

Was it any different from your story?
This book has been long overdue.

It was something that I made,
Just in case I had to forget.
I have to forget.
I needed to forget
Until the moment we last met.

Time seems to find a way,
To remove & replace,
What has been set aside to decay.

Same as we grow old and our mind starts to forget.
All the brilliance & bliss, and all that goes together, even the regret.
I am already starting to forget.
Wish I saved a version of it on the internet.

This is the way,
That some way, somehow,
You’d at least remember,
How someone told a story you knew
From someone else’s point of view.

It was something that I made,
Just in case I have to forget.
I had to forget.
I needed to forget
Until the moment we last met.

We stopped without a bookmark.
If we ever get the chance to meet again,
On the last day of the last memory in my head,
Bring that book & read me the story again.

This is the way,
That some way, somehow,
I'd at least remember,
A story I once knew
That was written by someone about you.

It was something I made,
Just in case I have to forget.
I never wanted to forget,
Since the day we first met.

Run.

Far from distress, something to relieve stress.

There are no boundaries, no limits.

Only you can tell how far you can go.

It's not about forgetting nor escaping.

Run for your life.

It is what we are all doing.

To gain something,

You also have to lose something.

Just keep running.

---------------------------------------------


01/01/14

Something Out Of Nothing

3 Hours gap, 1,500 miles to cross,

2 years of being apart,

Always a single heartbeat away.

Life, existence, relevance.

Me.

Never write or say a single word.

Not before it's too late to even catch the final breath.

Kept as a secret, too deep to even express with thoughts,

Not forced, not provoked, this is inevitable.

She has given the world to you.

Absolutely perfect in every angle you see.

Blows gently on your bruise whenever you fall down,

Easily draws up a smile on your face even with your ugliest frown.

You got an F for not studying hard,

You dated a girl who just broke your heart.

You started smoking cigarette,

drank beer, shaved your head, without any consent.

Got broke, Lost hope,

Left home for Baguio, left home for Singapore,

She never saw a difference from who you were from before.

First Kiss,First Hug, First Love.

It is that same person you always take for granted for who she is

and how she feels for you.

She is the only girl after any bad day you'd always come home to,

the only person you're certain to always answer back i love you too.

She is the perfect definition of my whole being.

The living diary for all my stories.

The only reason why i'm breathing.

Definite, absolute, unmistakable.

Straight out, unconditional, remarkable,

Words doesn't suffice to even describe the exact feeling.

I was wished upon a star,

and I am just lucky to have my whole life

making someone else's dream come true

with every single day that i try to get by through.

Though I tried not to be so sweet and cheesy,

but Mommy,

This one is for you.

with Mom on a Christmas day, 4 years ago.

I miss you!

Happy Birthday Mom! See You Soon!

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