An open letter to the one with the purest heart.

When i first met you, i didn't quite get why you had this wall around you.

You were quite distant or maybe just with stranger guys. There was definitely just so much to know and discover about you. How you felt less during the difficult times in your life turned you into something more and special.

I always say i hope i came earlier in your journey. Back when the troubles were even greater than what we have now. I wish i was there when your heart was first broken, and those number of times when it seemed destiny cheated on you. I wish I was there when you decided to stop expressing art through words or other crafts, maybe with me back then you didn't have to stop after all. I wish I was there to give you your first kiss and be the first someone to gave you hope with love and share untainted dreams about the future. I wish it was me all along to make you feel loved and safe no matter what happens everytime you felt the burden of the world back then.

With all that has happened through all the ups and downs in your life, i cannot turn back time and save you from all the hurt and pain this lifetime has decided to let you endure. I can't even promise you that you won't cry and feel numb ever again in the future, but i am glad that i still came to share with you whatever surprises and horror that we will face down the road...

I'm lucky for the chance that i could be the guy who will never get your heart broken, the guy who will make you believe in destiny and take chances again, the person who will open you up and express yourself again through your actions, your words and even the way you are improving in taking photographs. Your love who will shower you with endless kisses, your partner through all of our adventures and endeavours, your bestfriend who will always be there for you no matter what from here on out. And your shoulder to rest and cry on when the world is getting heavy again.

I can only assure you that whatever fate has in store for you, you will always have me this time around in both sadness and laughter, you might feel that life and fate has made you feel bitter about destiny,, but you are my dream, and i thought i would have to live the rest of my life not realizing you.

Whenever you feel tired and weary, always remember that i love you. I never asked you to be strong, i just don't want you to stop loving and trusting over and over again. Because this time, no matter how hard you'd fall again, you know that i've got you.

That guy & his size 34's

I met you when I was at my peak,
Back when a chapter of my life was about to end,
with my job and when my charms
were on fleek.

Though I wasn't really the kind of guy
who girls would go crazy for,
I was just a guy who used to wear jeans with a size 34.

It has been two years and more,
This is just a preview of what you have been waiting for.

Wasn't really looking for someone
and had a few failed affairs before then.
And there came you,
I started to become curious over a
buffet barbecue.

I still could not recall why I exactly got you.
You had 3 guys on line, waiting for their turn on the queue.

Back then I didn't realize if I'am the guy you might have been waiting for.
When I was just a guy who used to wear jeans with a size 34.

You gave me possibly the worst
movie experience ever.
With them boys waiting outside,
wooing you to be their forever.

But then you stuck with me,
You came back.
Was it just pity? Or did you really care for me?

What we are is not the most perfect combination
despite what people see.

Behind those flawless photos and instagram posts
are deeper dreams and ambitions on what we want to be.

I must admit that I failed to see
that we can't live forever
and just stay young like this together.

I guess I did have to lose it all for me to see the reality.

I did. I fell.
You saw me on both my highest and my lowest.
But dear please trust me,
I need you to be at my strongest.

I might not look as much right now, I may have lost most,
and I know exactly how it feels to see you
with someone who is better than me.

Believe me, since the beginning I always felt
that I was a step behind, but heck,
you saw something, you still chose me.

I can't let Monday become blue again,
I can't definitely let now become then yet again.

I know you expect a lot from me,
and you won't feel mad at times if it didn't occured to you
that it could finally be "me".

I love you for your patience and I trust you with my conscience.
Though we don't really finish each other's sentences,
my life has a better purpose with your existence.

I was just a guy who wore jeans sized 34,
I can't lose you, not until we are aged 94.

Have a little faith in me.
It all starts with me and it all ends with you.

This time there are no reset buttons or start overs,
This time, it has to be you.

14

A letter to the child who misses his Father: A few things you might want to know 10 years after.

One day after another.
There is not so much difference from now and a decade later.
How can a person feel being numb when they are not supposed
to feel anything at all?

When you realize you'll never smile the same way like before,
Here are a few things you might want to know 10 years after and more...

For the first few days, it will be difficult to see
between reality and fiction.
There would be a lot of long pauses and silence every now & then.
You become less sensitive of the world,
everything would be in slow motion.
This would be a recurrent situation you'll find yourself into much too often...

Be prepared when tears jerk up every time you start to remember.
This will be common at least until three years later.
Your last memory of him will always feel like yesterday,
and you will forever be left with that hanging question,
"what if he waited for you on that last day?"

You'll forever imagine this parallel universe where he didn't leave.
Since no tears could bring him back, no matter how much you grieve.
But do know when you miss him,
you can always meet him in your dreams.
Each episodes will be too real, it is like dreaming in your dreams.

The first few Holidays will feel cold as snow,
the next few Christmases might be less merry, with fewer ho ho hos.
And I know you will think about this so many times since that day,
On how great it would have been
to have him standing beside you on that special day,
By the altar while waiting for your wife to be,
And how awesome he would be to your children as their Grand Daddy.

I know it would be hard to be too happy on your first couple of birthdays.
No one will blame you if you are just too weary and low.
But do know that whenever you are down, there is no place to go but up.
I know it would feel guilty to be moving on without him,
But go ahead, he wants you to look up.

You can get lost for a while and do whatever you want,
Let this be something that makes you stop and think about life.
Sooner you'd care less about material things and temporary emotions,
And finally realise that your greatest fear and sole purpose in life are exactly the same.

I can't tell you so much on how things will get better.
I wished there was an easy remedy to make you instantly sober.
As how bad as it might look right now,
You have to go through this.
Just pray. It works. I promise.

Out of the hundred things I can share with you during those 10 years since I lost a part of me,
Is the most important thing that I cannot forget to remind you about is what was left of me.

As strong as she looks since the beginning until this day,
She needs you now more than ever.
This was one thing I failed to see.
Sinee I was too occupied thinking about me.

You are her whole world now,
Spoil her with every chance you get.
Seeing her act in love and like a kid again
is the best feeling in the world. Trust me.
Don't let those moments pass by you before you regret.

She loves you. You are all that she has.

All of these might be a bit too much for you,
especially with all the things that you have just went through.
Eventually you will be forced to live a life again,
In no time, you'll be back at it again.

Keep the faith. It is what we have left that keeps us human.

One day after another.
There is not so much difference from now and a decade later.
Just always remember,
He will always be your hero,
and you will always be his greatest mission.



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@jeddyums

Coming in @27&6

Mcsize Me.
Over Ubers
Tardydoodledoo.
After one.
Noche Buenas
Media Noches
A dozen of Merry on Christmas.
Rise & Shine!
A handful of Breaktime meals.
Unreminded greetings.
Sides A & B.
Lucky 13
Home sweet home.
Worms on Books.
Words.
Put fuel on the fire.
Simply the best!
An apple a day.
Yahoooo!
F.O. F.B.
Grow rice under the moonlight.
This is the Mask.

#newyearsreso

Today was that day.

Cigarette scent.
Those late nights spent.
Been long gone,
Never forgotten.

Some of the best memories
are remembered through sorrow.
Know you'll never be happier
When you've felt the happiest.

Have gotten used to not seeing you
in each tomorrow.
When there is just nothing left to know
once you've seen the greatest.

A lot has been said, they might say.
But at this time, this date,
Its stuck on replay.
That moment when life took you away.

Now you'd wish forever.
Tears even in laughter.
We're living on borrowed time,
make it count before its all over.

A lot has been said, they might say.
But at this time, this date,
Its stuck on replay.
That moment when life took you away.

It was this day,
When we tried to get away,
To some place where we'll hide,
To that place where you'd stay.

If only forever was that date,
I'd still get to see you everyday.

Today was that day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------


13/9/2006

Bookmark

Do you ever catch yourself
holding it by the cover?

Pages with photos,
Memories on a portfolio,
When we did not need to rhyme,
When all we had was time.

This is the way,
That some way, somehow,
You’d at least remember,
How someone told a story you knew
From someone else’s point of view.

Was it any different from your story?
This book has been long overdue.

It was something that I made,
Just in case I had to forget.
I have to forget.
I needed to forget
Until the moment we last met.

Time seems to find a way,
To remove & replace,
What has been set aside to decay.

Same as we grow old and our mind starts to forget.
All the brilliance & bliss, and all that goes together, even the regret.
I am already starting to forget.
Wish I saved a version of it on the internet.

This is the way,
That some way, somehow,
You’d at least remember,
How someone told a story you knew
From someone else’s point of view.

It was something that I made,
Just in case I have to forget.
I had to forget.
I needed to forget
Until the moment we last met.

We stopped without a bookmark.
If we ever get the chance to meet again,
On the last day of the last memory in my head,
Bring that book & read me the story again.

This is the way,
That some way, somehow,
I'd at least remember,
A story I once knew
That was written by someone about you.

It was something I made,
Just in case I have to forget.
I never wanted to forget,
Since the day we first met.