Double Decker

I was never fond of bus rides or buses in particular.

The thought of being in a single vehicle
with suspect pick pockets,
exhibitionists and suicide bombers
while stuck in a traffic along Edsa
are just too much for my paranoia.

Having seen a movie like "Speed" with
Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock as the
main cast that had most of the movie's
story revolve inside a bus that is running
on a time bomb helped to add more scare about bus rides.

Let's not forget "Battle Royal", you fall asleep,
and the next thing you know, you're
on an island where you have to kill all the
people in your class.

It's pathetic to actually admit such fear,
But i see them as a one way ride
that ends to somewhere not nice.
Especially when it is among the regular mode
of transportation back at home  in Manila.

Dare to try riding on a Novaliches killer bus
late at night around 2 in the morning and you'll
know how i feel.

I was only excited during school field trips,
having tons of snacks, express ways stop overs,
and a coleman jug filled with alcohol mixed orange juice.

A handful of trips to Batangas with Eric and Jr,
and a couple of 8 hour rides on a bus
when i had to settle in Baguio for a while back
in college were some of the longest trips i ever had to take.

I'd be asleep most of the ride instead of
letting my sick imagination play tricks on my head.

As much as i was disgusted with public
bus rides in the Philippines, were the dreams of getting on a
double decker in a foreign country.

I knew when i would get on one, i'd feel
like i'm in another hollywood movie or
sitcom but all you will see is nothing but
bright lights and good times.

I was right.

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The bus situation in Manila has just made
this experience one of the must do's in my existence.

I never realized it at first, but yeah, i had a big smile on my face
during the whole ride on my first time on a double decker. :)

breaking the silence.

I am on a stand still.
Seperated from reality.
In denial of what has hit me.

I am struggling with my words,
As i try to stop myself from breaking down all over again.

It all started with a few trips to cavite & bohol,
Bottles jugged down & cigarette rims puffed off in mayrics & balay.
An after clearance party somewhere along the kamuning area,

A funny blue tulip and a kitkat bar on a valentines day,
The tempura chips, the late night chill outs at a quadricentennial park.

And on a salinggawi concert, i fell in love with her.

She came when i thought there was no one else left for me.
Her door was open,
she welcomed me with a box of yellow cab pizza.

She is a great person.
Such a selfless individual with a good heart from what i have seen and felt.

A perfect, independent and truthful daughter,
A sweet, playful and thoughtful sister.

She was an innocent, simple and a very caring girlfriend.
How long could it take before i can find someone better?

These has been said and brought up a handful of times,
But it was a magical half a decade,
that made me see things what i thought could only happen in romantic movies and fairy tale stories.

Making it rain with thousands of roses on our second month together,
I will never forget when she spilled hot sauce over my eye.

The unbelievable resistance to survive a 2hour ride
on a thief filled, sweat dropping jeepney
along the smokey and grid locked streets of
espana to north avenue daily.

Double dates, paskuhans spent with her greatest friends.
Rappeling, pig out eating,
how i was weirdly fine for being a straight guy
and having shopping moments at forever 21 & other boutique shops with her.

Let's not forget the trying nights,
cramming for school works and silly video projects for
'takoyaki' and flair bartending.
Even those times when i try not to be late since she was always early.

An absolute bliss from watching hundreds of butterflies being freed,
To that lovely night while watching fireworks
spark up the sky while at a shuttle terminal
station somewhere in cubao going to novaliches.

Now suddenly i had to wake up the next day,
Thinking it was just another college puppy love story.

If only it was that simple.

Had i known that leaving on a jet plane would
make her feel that i am leaving us altogether.

"I am so sorry for making you feel that way."

How i just surrendered myself to her,
Living each day with the promise of love,
happiness and success that was just simply swept away.

It has happened.
We fell short.

It pains me to even remember the last moment when i was with her.

How i held her hand,
the last time i kissed her on her forehead,
How i tried not making her cry
when i had to say my temporary goodbye.

How i breathe deeply
as i felt myself trying to freeze time while watching her sleep in my arms.

It was my fault for loving her too much,
in such a way that it was as if no one else could compete.
Not even her.

I feel so guilty for feeling so hurt,
despite the feelings that i still have for her.

They say she was so lucky to have me as her guy,
even tagging me as the best someone could ever have.

But how could they even say that,
When it was her all along who made me the best.

This time, even love wasn't enough.



---I have nothing but utmost respect for her.
I wish her all the best. I really do.
It took some time for me to speak up,
As I didn't want any of my words to hurt someone in any way possible.
But i knew eventually that i would have to let it all go.
And this time, i'm finally breaking the silence.---

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